The marketing of cars in the 21st century

... Seems like it started kinda kooky, what with the Model T Ford coming first, and then the new and improved Model A; as I recall, A comes before T in the alphabet, so I'm not quite sure why the Model T came first.

And what's the deal with the new model names? I mean, give me a *** break! The Chevrolet Aveo? Does that mean anything to you? I can just imagine a bunch of marketing managers in a room somewhere in the depths of the detritus we know as Detroit, brainstorming about what to call their latest abortion. "Well, it has to sound sophisticated, and we certainly don't want to imply that it will explode on impact. Hmm, how about "Aveo?" "Oh yeah, that's really great! It's so sophisticated, and who cares if it doesn't make any sense?"

Or how about the Chevrolet Equinox? What does that mean? You can only drive it on the Equinox?

And then there is the Mercedes-Benz SLK-Class SLK 350? Now there's an impressive model name! I mean, just use the word "class" and you can't miss with all those rich suckers out there! Just add a bunch of cryptic numbers after that and those idiots will open their wallets right up!

Or how about the Subaru Impreza? It's not exactly "impressive," but it sort of comes close, right?

Okay, here's another: consider the Nissan Altima? Well, not really the "ultimate," but maybe close enough that some people won't know the difference and nobody will sue us.

So I have some ideas of my own for car model names. First of all, you want the name to sound good, even if you don't know what it means. Here are a few of my suggestions:

How about the Dodge Diarrhea? I remember reading a survey where kids were asked to rate the sonorous qualities of different words. "Diarrhea" topped the list.

Or consider the Hummer Terminator. it certainly has that macho "Arnold" thing, and there are a lot of people who like to get their aggression out in their cars, right?

Or maybe the Mitsubishi Gout. It's kind of a perky word, and a lot of us like perky cars, don't we?

Okay, now consider the Toyota Tacoma. It's actually a great truck. I own one. But I'm a rebel. I bought it in spite of the name. I mean, c'mon, if you've ever been to Tacoma, you know you don't want your car to be named after this city, (With respectful apologies to the residents of Tacoma).

Here's another suggestion: the Jaguar Fellatio. Classy, European, and it has the scent of sexuality.

Okay, one more: how about the Honda Influenza? Now there's a classy name! And it rolls right off the tongue.

So that's my take on the state of automobile marketing in the 21st century. If you're really wanting more suggestions, just let me know. I'll be on it like a big dog!